How’s he sleeping?
This is the first question everyone asks us. We’ve started feeling a little guilty that (at least this go-round) we got a pretty happy baby who doesn’t have too many GI issues and sleeps pretty well. We got lucky. But, the expectation that babies shouldn’t sleep through the night sometimes makes us feel like we must be doing something wrong. Then we remember that we are sleeping through the night, so if we are doing something wrong we’re okay not being right.
A baby who has a predictable routine has a better shot at being relaxed and sleeping through the night.
All the parents I knew prior to Henry’s arrival raved about the Mom’s On Call method so I bought the book and decided to give it a try. It’s pretty regimented and it can be hard to stick to, but it’s worked for us. The basic principle is to make your baby’s life as predictable as possible. I’ve had some friends who internalized this to mean that the baby never left the house and that works for them. For me, it means that I make sure we travel during nap times and are wherever we need to be, settled, and ready to feed when it’s mealtime. I also guard his nap time. I don’t put us in situations where Henry is expected to be awake and entertaining visitors when the schedule says he’s supposed to be sleeping. Visitors are scheduled during feeding times. That’s it.
Breastfeeding on the breast might make it harder to keep a schedule – not that you shouldn’t do it, but you should know what to expect.
I pumped exclusively and I was only able to do it for about the first two weeks, so I am no expert in this area. That said, during those two weeks, I found comfort in the routine of it. Other women might find it monotonous. To each their own. Grant would feed Henry from a bottle while I pumped for the next feeding. We knew exactly how much Henry was getting at each feeding which gave me peace of mind that he was full if he woke up when he wasn’t supposed to. Also, having to pump helped keep us all to the schedule. I realize this isn’t going to work for everyone, this is what worked for me. I don’t know how easy or difficult it is to keep to a schedule when breastfeeding from the breast, but from what I’ve observed among my friends who have done it is that it is less predictable. I suppose you just need to know that and do your best if on-the-breast breastfeeding is important to you.
Babied don’t need much to sleep securely. In fact, some countries advocate babies sleep in a cardboard box. BUT, here are a few things Grant and I found helpful in avoiding sleep deprivation for parents AND babies.
MOM’S ON CALL BOOK
They say babies don’t come with an instructional manual, but they do, and it’s this book. We used the example schedules provided in the book to set up Henry’s schedule and to guide us on when to make changes to the schedule. The book offers some pretty strict advice on how to soothe a grumpy baby and how to get them to drop night feedings. We ended up making a small adjustment. For a few weeks, Henry wouldn’t go past 4 AM. We’d wake up and try all the suggestions to get him to go back to sleep, but he just wouldn’t. He was hungry. So, we made the decision to just skip the soothing measures and feed him. Eventually, he made it through the night. Maybe it took longer, but we were happier getting up once for 20 minutes to feed him rather than getting up three times over an hour to unsuccessfully soothe him.
FISHER-PRICE DELUXE AUTO ROCK ‘N PLAY SLEEPER WITH SMART CONNECT
You should know that this product has been recalled due to safety concerns. Knowing that, we still used it, so I’ll talk about some ways we attempted to reduce the risk of infant injury and/or death. The Mom’s On Call book will tell you that your baby needs to sleep in the crib, and we tried. Really, we really did. But, Henry insisted on being a little curled up and laying flat was torture for all of us. At about two months we got to a point where he didn’t need a middle of the night feeding but was waking up anyway. We gave the Rock ‘n Play a try. I swaddled him up and strapped him in (I left his legs out of the swaddle). I stayed up all night watching him on the monitor. Around 4 AM he woke up, as always, and I used my phone to turn on the vibration and rocking. Within 10 minutes he was back to sleep. I knew we were breaking the rules, but 7 AM rolled around and I didn’t care. The next few nights were a bit like the first and then magically, he slept through the night. I had fallen asleep. Some time past 4 AM I must have finally dozed off, but I popped awake at 6:30 in a panic. I was sure he was dead. I headed into his room preparing myself for the worst but was met by a smiling baby with bright eyes. All was right in Henry’s world and we never looked back. Note, there’s no protocol for getting your kid out of the Rock ‘n Play since they aren’t supposed to sleep in it unsupervised. We decided that the night we dropped the swaddle was the night he was going back to his crib. It sucked. He cried on and off all night for three days, but earplugs and the video monitor made it bearable. Now he’s back to sleeping through the night – in his crib, unswaddled like a well-adjusted 3-month-old.
As for safety, we are not advocating that you use the Rock ‘n Play. We are simply relaying our experience with the product. The recall (more info about that here) is serious and you should do research on this product and how to use it before you buy one. Use of this product has been responsible for the death of at least 30 children. As noted on the Consumer Product Safety Commission website, “infant fatalities have occurred in Rock ‘n Play Sleepers, after the infants rolled from their back to their stomach or side while unrestrained, or under other circumstances.” We can’t be sure what is covered by “or under other circumstances,” but there are ways to mitigate (not eliminate) the risk described if you choose to use this product.
First, stop using this device as soon as your child is even attempting to roll over.
Second, use the harness as directed every time you place your child in this device regardless of how long you think they will be in it.
The SWADDLES aka – baby burritos!
SWADDLE BLANKETS
You may or may not end up using these for sleeping, but they are good to have on hand and the blankets you get from the hospital are probably too small. Your newborn will be in this thing a lot and you only use it until they are three months old anyway. Henry was on the smaller side when we brought him home so we didn’t have a lot of options for the “pre-made” swaddles which was fine since the blankets were so big relative to him and he wasn’t strong enough yet to break our weak-ass attempts at swaddling. But, within a couple of weeks, things changed and the pre-made options were easier for all of us. That said, get some swaddle blankets, you’ll use them in the car seat and around the house even if you never have to make your own swaddle, so make sure they coordinate with your hats and cute outfit but invest in the pre-made versions too for sleepy time when your baby is big enough.
PRE-MADE SWADDLES
Pre-made swaddles are hit or miss, but when you find a good one it’s AMAZING. There are a few factors that can make or break how much you love your pre-made swaddle. We tried it all the blankets, the Velcro kind, the zipper ones, and the wraps. Henry always seemed to break-free. I like the Miracle Blanket because it locks your baby’s arms at their sides and snuggles them with the wrap. Also, the fact that we can remove his legs from the pouch at the bottom for a diaper change (and to secure him in the Rock ‘N Play) without undoing his arms is a HUGE plus!
That said, the grandparents found it hard to use and preferred the Halo SleepSack. They seemed fine for a nap, but both kids seemed to find a way to get an arm free during the night.
Finally, another option we tried that was useful, but not strong enough was the SwaddleMe Original Swaddle. What makes this one so unique is that it has a slit in the tush area so you can thread through a harness (like the one in the Rock ‘n Play). So, while the SwaddleMe didn’t keep our kids swaddled super well, I could see how it would have been helpful when they were smaller (and less strong).
The CRIB
DREAM ON ME SYNERGY 5-in-1 CONVERTIBLE CRIB
Buy what you like but know that all new cribs will meet current safety standards so it’s not necessary to splurge here. The main “features” I’m finding valuable for a crib are as follows: being able to adjust the mattress height, being able to convert the crib into a bed later, and a bite guard for the top of the rails. These are pretty standard features for any new crib.
There are also tons of secondhand options. Just be sure that if you decide to use a secondhand crib that the slats are appropriately spaced and it is still sturdy.
And, as if there wasn’t enough to consider, there’s always the Montessori “floor bed” route. You can buy these style beds or just build it yourself or just put a mattress on the floor. To find out what I’m talking about and learn more about creating a Montessori environment for your baby read Montessori From The Start by Paula Polk Lillard and Lynn Lillard Jessen.
SAFETY 1ST HEAVENLY DREAMS STARS A PLENTY BABY MATTRESS
There are a lot of choices, but it really just has to be firm. You can get organic, hypoallergenic, blah, blah, blah. Our only requirements were that it was firm and waterproof. Perhaps there should be more to it, but Henry and John seem to be doing just fine so far. If this changes I’ll update this section.
SHEETS & WATERPROOF CRIB MATTRESS COVER
Let’s face it. Babies are messy. Have enough sheets to make the bed twice (maybe three times if you really hate laundry).
So first, you’ll need three fitted sheets and two waterproof mattress covers.
Make the crib starting with the first fitted sheet, followed by the first waterproof cover, followed by the second fitted sheet, followed by the second waterproof cover, followed by the third fitted sheet.
If there’s an accident in the middle of the night just whip off the messed sheets and BOOM – clean bed!
Be sure to get dark colored sheets. It’s easier to tell when they need to be changed because all the drool will be easier to see AND color distortions show up better on the baby monitor. This is important: you’ll have a better shot at being able to tell if your little one actually made themselves vomited by screaming so hard
Yes, that’s a thing!
A note about waterproof covers. AVOID THE ZIP AROUND KIND! They are difficult to remove in the middle of the night. Perhaps if your mattress itself isn’t waterproof you should invest in one of the zip around covers to go under all the layers, but wouldn’t you rather just buy a waterproof mattress? I thought so.
BUMPERS
Oh, you mean death traps? So, those big fluffy bumpers that you see in every nursery photo are actually dangerous for babies; especially if your baby wiggles.
This wasn’t such a big deal in the first few weeks, Henry didn’t really go far, but by the second month he was rotating clockwise in his crib, so I could see how he could smoosh his face into one of these things and suffocate – especially while swaddled.
But, the visual barrier it provides for our dog and for Henry is pretty helpful so we went with the breathable kind. It also helps keep little limbs inside the crib once you drop the swaddle.
The Tech
VIDEO BABY MONITOR, SMART WATCH, WI-FI EXTENDER, TABLET, & COVERS
Oh, modern parenting! These devices saved my sanity. Being able to visually see that my son isn’t choking on his own spit or rolled himself face-flat into his mattress is really helpful for keeping me out of his room during sleep time.
Logically, I know that when we put him to sleep he is fed and has a clean diaper, so his basic needs are met, but his crying (or worse crying and then stopping) makes me think something terrible has happened.
The video monitor gives me peace of mind that my baby is physically alright while giving him the space to learn how to take care of some of his own needs. I like the Motorola MBP853CONNECT Dual Mode Baby Monitor with 3.5-Inch LCD Parent Monitor and Wi-Fi Internet Viewing because it came with a stand-alone monitor that can be on while also checking it via a smartphone app or desktop site. I also like that you can connect multiple cameras to the same monitor and view them picture-in-picture style.
It isn’t perfect though. It doesn’t have VOC on the stand-alone monitor, but it does push notifications to my cell phone when there is a disturbance. A smartwatch or activity monitor can make sure you get those alerts even when you aren’t holding your phone.
I also really hate that it sounds an obnoxious alarm if it loses a camera. Picture this, it’s 3 AM, everyone is sleeping soundly, the power goes out, your wi-fi cuts off, and your cameras go dark. No big deal; you’re all asleep. Or you were until the monitor starts blaring next to your head and flashing a bright red error warning. Also, since the power is out your kids’ sound machine is down and they too can hear the blaring alarm. They start crying. Great. Now everyone is up at 3AM with no power. Awesome…
When it comes to mobile tech, we are an Android family. I purchased the Garmin vívosmart HR Activity Tracker as a step counter years ago and love it. It pushes notifications to me but forces me to pick up my phone if I want to respond. It’s an alert system, not a true smartwatch. Grant, on the other hand, likes the look of a traditional watch, so I got him the Fossil Q Men’s Explorist Stainless Steel Smartwatch right before John was born and he loves it. It is a traditional smartwatch. Make sure to get some covers to protect the face of the watch though. And given the pace of technology, maybe get the Gen 4.
Now, for the rest of your baby monitoring system. Pick up a Wi-Fi extender (Google makes a good one, as do AT&T, if that’s your ISP) and cheap tablet while you’re at it to make sure your system works well out of the box. I leave the tablet in its protective case on my bedside table for easy access in the middle of the night. The bigger screen is nice, and it means I don’t have to pick up my phone in the middle of the night. Make sure to pick up some screen protectors for your tablet too.
The Accessories
WHITE NOISE MACHINE
I have no idea why these things work, but they do. THE LOUDER, THE BETTER (at least for us). We REALLY wanted Henry to be able to sleep through any noise. And as a newborn he did. But, at about 4 months old we hit the dreaded sleep regression. He wouldn’t sleep through his naps or eat a full meal, so he’d wake up 3 times through the night. Check out our article on sleep regression to find out more about how we dealt with it. But, spoiler alert, one way we coped was to crank up that white noise machine. We’ve had several varieties and even just looped a white noise track on the Alexa for a while, but in the end, we found Adaptive Sound Technologies LectroFan and it’s been great. It can get really loud. Like really loud, but sometimes that’s what Henry needs. I dislike that it pops back on after the power goes out. That can be a little jarring and wake the boys up. Theoretically, you can attempt to put it on a smart switch so that once the power is cut it keeps it off until some event resets it. I haven’t had much luck making it work with our routines though.
EARPLUGS
Guess What? Babies cry even when their basic needs are met. If they aren’t hungry or dirty they might just be lonely.
Grant and I have taken the approach that this is something Henry and John are going to have to learn to cope with. We’ve decided that unless there is reason to think they are in physical harm we would let them cry it out.
During these episodes, I typically watch Henry or John on the video monitor to make sure he doesn’t put himself in physical danger, but the earplugs take the edge off. I can see his anguish, I don’t need to hear it at full volume too.
Also, babies coo, laugh, and make other noises that will wake you up even when they aren’t trying to. Earplugs help you ignore those noises to stay asleep and get good rest. Trust me, you’ll hear your baby screaming through the earplugs if they really need you.
If you’re really worried you might miss something (and you have a partner) just make sure only one of you wears the earplugs. That way one of you will be able to sleep easy!
John, our 2nd, assuming his starfish sleeping position.
